Can't sleep, and I had no new pictures to post, so I wrote what is on my mind...

I went to go to bed tonight and I'm not sure what triggered my sudden flood of tears that came so fast to my eyes, who knows it was probably something stupid like watching last weeks " Brothers and Sisters." I have a weird relation to that show, probably because we lost are dad too, although we have not found any other siblings that my dad kept secret, and we were not left behide a huge company and I'm sure a ton of money like the "Walkers." Yea, I know what your thinking why I'm I even relating my real life to a fake show, it's just such a good show, very intertaining. I bet if my life were to have been taped this past year it would have been a hit. We have had every thing tragety, drama, happiness... you name it, it has happened this year. I'm not posting this for a " poor Jillonnie" respons, I just went to go to sleep and started to cry. My mind just kept going and I would have been up all night, so I thought that if I were to share my feelings my mind would become more peaceful and I will be able to go to sleep. So I was thinking that pretty soon my dad will have been gone for a whole year. I just look back to how eventful this past year has been, so full that I think some of my emotions have not had a chance to come out, or maybe this how every one deals when someone so close dies, emotions just come and go in waves. Any way, alot of wonderful things have happend too. One of the best days in my life will be having baby June. I love that baby so much, and it was a great experience being pregnate when my dad died. The extra emotions involved is not something I would ever want during that time, but I know with out a single doubt that June got to know her grandpa, I had dreams about it and she gives off this amazing spirit, she was able to conect with me here on earth and her grandpa at the same time. This year has also brought me and my sisters closer too. We can always relate to each other when that " I miss dad" moment happens, and each of my sisters have been there for me at any given moment. Also this year Michelle had Finley, he is so cute and brought another great, happy memory to this year. More good than bad has deffinitly happened this year its just the "bad" things have been so major that it sometimes takes effort to find all the "good", but when I take the time my list of "good" is so long and keeps on going. Any way for any one who reads this, sorry its so long but it was really just to help me, I really miss my dad right now, but I must say this did help. Who knew blogging was like having your own therapist?